I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
