I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
