apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Less talking, more tequila
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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