Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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