I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
