Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
