aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
