I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
