i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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