i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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