Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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