I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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