wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
