Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
