If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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