I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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