We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
