hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
