You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
