I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Someone signed my nipple.
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