My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
