Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
