New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
