did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
