well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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