bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
