listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
