Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
