glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
