The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
