Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
