You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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