i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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