idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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