i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
