Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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