using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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