is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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