I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
