Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the day after is always just damage control
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
