I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
