are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
