I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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