the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
