so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
