i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
