saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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