Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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