yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
