I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
